My Doula ~ Part One: The Birth
Welcome back to The Novice Doula!
I feel that my doula was a HUGE help & support for me in labour, as well as a guiding force for why I ultimately decided to become a doula myself. I wanted to share my experience with her, and what techniques she used that were extremely helpful for me - while I know every labouring mother is different, and I will need to learn many other skills, I want to remember how these things helped me, so I know what I want my labouring moms to feel when comforted by me.
Last post, I shared my birth story - my favourite memory, the day my beautiful son was born. In that post I did mention some of the things my doula did for me, so please scroll down to read that post if you haven't already. Today I'll be going deeper into my doula's involvement, and how she affected my labour in the best way possible.
I met my doula at 37 weeks pregnant, outside a little coffee shop, sitting outside on the shaded patio. Immediately I got a very professional but motherly vibe from her - she listened to my views on birth and postpartum, and commended me for the research I did and the convictions I had for my decisions (I am one to appreciate compliments over skill or intellect over looks, so this warmed my heart that she saw the effort I'd put in to preparing for my son's birth). A few hours after our first meeting, I sent her a message - she was my doula!!
I believe we met one more time before I went into labour, just to talk a bit more about my wishes for labour (she already had a copy of my Birth Wishes, as did my doctor and my hospital file), and ways we could delay going to the hospital for as long as possible. I felt very excited and accepted while talking with her, I definitely felt safer and more "ready" for my baby to come after talking it out with someone who cared. She also sent me emails on how to induce labour naturally, how to easy labour pains without drugs, and early breastfeeding success info, so she really tailored her sources to my needs and wishes, which I really appreciated.
(Read my birth story in the post below if you'd like more details about my labour & delivery.) The day before I officially went into labour, I had an appointment with my doctor and to have some testing done to make sure I was okay to continue carrying him for a few more days, at least. At this appointment, I had a membrane sweep that started some contractions, and I continued to walk most of the evening to hopefully bring on labour.
I had texted my doula about my contractions, which were consistent but didn't seem painful or productive, and she offered to come walk with me that night as well, since she just happened to be in the area. We walked until nearly midnight, and I admire her devotion to helping me keep moving, but it wasn't meant to be, so we decided to return to our homes and get some much needed rest.
The next day, my doula knew I would be going in for another check & membrane sweep, so she was expecting an update that morning. What she didn't expect was for me to be heading to the hospital within the hour! I texted her once I was in the hospital, and she asked if she could come in a few hours - I asked back (a little frantically!) if she could come now! She made it to my side within an hour of arriving to the hospital.
When she got to me, I was already into contractions that made me stop and have to steady myself - combined with the emotions of labour, the pain had me scared, and I was in tears when she entered the room. She immediately just folded me into a hug and held on, the only thing she could've done, and it helped.
We were waiting for me to be checked, and with me in my emotional state, my doula realized I needed to start moving, even though my fear had me wanting to lay down and hide (which is a little tricky, when the thing you are scared of is coming from you). With a lot of convincing, she goaded me to walk the halls, which made my contractions worse, but the spaces between them better. I know I was quite loud, so the fact that she didn't seem embarrassed at all says just how committed she was to comforting me! When the contractions got bad, I held onto the wall and cried high-pitched cries that only made me more scared and in pain, and while she urged me to try lower sounds, I wasn't in a head space to listen, so she just rubbed my back and repeated some encouraging messages I had told her I thought would help (I'll make a post about how I prepared for my own labour and my "Birth Wishes" at some point).
The nurse checked me 3 hours after my doctor's appointment had revealed strong contractions and a dilation of 3cm, and my cervix had not opened any more since then - this meant (to the nurses) that I was not in active labour, and indeed I could go home (a 45 minute drive each way). This seemed crazy to me, as I was doubling over in pain and barely holding onto my sanity, and I had a strong feeling that I should not leave the hospital right then. I begged to stay, but the nurses, my doula and my mom all had read my birth plan and knew I wanted to labour at home as much as possible, and wanted to support that as best they could. My supports had just about convinced me to at least walk along the beach close by, when I began vomiting (a sign of active labour), and my doula sprang into action!
I could not use a birthing room with a tub, as I had not been admitted, so my doula asked if there were any other options - the "Well Mothers" bathtub/shower, maybe? Finally, the nurses agreed that would be okay, at least until they checked me in another hour or so for progress.
It was then that I learned the importance of low moaning. Up until this point, my doula had been carrying me through each contraction, rubbing my back and speaking gently to me, but I still continued my high pitched cries, that did nothing for my pain. Before getting into the tub, I decided to use the bathroom quickly, and while in there I had my first (and only) contraction alone. In that moment, I realized that I had no choice but to work through the pain myself, because even if I could call out to my doula, the door was locked and she couldn't make it to me in time. Something inspired me to use a low moan, and I found that it actually helped - it gave me something to focus on, and I seemed less tense.
His birth, first moments, my reaction, and his being weighed all caught on camera, she turned her attention back to me and made sure, once the nurses and doctors had finished the medical things, that I had the skin-to-skin time with him I wanted so much. She encouraged me to unwrap him from his tight swaddle and attempt to nurse him, helping me get his latch just right, then documenting his first ever feed as well.
Once making sure I was in good hands and on track for breastfeeding, my doula left, after having been at my side for more than 6 hours. She offered to come check on me once more in the hospital, but I assured her I would be fine and we'd arrange a time to visit again once we were home.
Continue to my next post for Part Two: The Home Visit!
I feel that my doula was a HUGE help & support for me in labour, as well as a guiding force for why I ultimately decided to become a doula myself. I wanted to share my experience with her, and what techniques she used that were extremely helpful for me - while I know every labouring mother is different, and I will need to learn many other skills, I want to remember how these things helped me, so I know what I want my labouring moms to feel when comforted by me.
Last post, I shared my birth story - my favourite memory, the day my beautiful son was born. In that post I did mention some of the things my doula did for me, so please scroll down to read that post if you haven't already. Today I'll be going deeper into my doula's involvement, and how she affected my labour in the best way possible.
I met my doula at 37 weeks pregnant, outside a little coffee shop, sitting outside on the shaded patio. Immediately I got a very professional but motherly vibe from her - she listened to my views on birth and postpartum, and commended me for the research I did and the convictions I had for my decisions (I am one to appreciate compliments over skill or intellect over looks, so this warmed my heart that she saw the effort I'd put in to preparing for my son's birth). A few hours after our first meeting, I sent her a message - she was my doula!!
I believe we met one more time before I went into labour, just to talk a bit more about my wishes for labour (she already had a copy of my Birth Wishes, as did my doctor and my hospital file), and ways we could delay going to the hospital for as long as possible. I felt very excited and accepted while talking with her, I definitely felt safer and more "ready" for my baby to come after talking it out with someone who cared. She also sent me emails on how to induce labour naturally, how to easy labour pains without drugs, and early breastfeeding success info, so she really tailored her sources to my needs and wishes, which I really appreciated.
(Read my birth story in the post below if you'd like more details about my labour & delivery.) The day before I officially went into labour, I had an appointment with my doctor and to have some testing done to make sure I was okay to continue carrying him for a few more days, at least. At this appointment, I had a membrane sweep that started some contractions, and I continued to walk most of the evening to hopefully bring on labour.
I had texted my doula about my contractions, which were consistent but didn't seem painful or productive, and she offered to come walk with me that night as well, since she just happened to be in the area. We walked until nearly midnight, and I admire her devotion to helping me keep moving, but it wasn't meant to be, so we decided to return to our homes and get some much needed rest.
The next day, my doula knew I would be going in for another check & membrane sweep, so she was expecting an update that morning. What she didn't expect was for me to be heading to the hospital within the hour! I texted her once I was in the hospital, and she asked if she could come in a few hours - I asked back (a little frantically!) if she could come now! She made it to my side within an hour of arriving to the hospital.
When she got to me, I was already into contractions that made me stop and have to steady myself - combined with the emotions of labour, the pain had me scared, and I was in tears when she entered the room. She immediately just folded me into a hug and held on, the only thing she could've done, and it helped.
We were waiting for me to be checked, and with me in my emotional state, my doula realized I needed to start moving, even though my fear had me wanting to lay down and hide (which is a little tricky, when the thing you are scared of is coming from you). With a lot of convincing, she goaded me to walk the halls, which made my contractions worse, but the spaces between them better. I know I was quite loud, so the fact that she didn't seem embarrassed at all says just how committed she was to comforting me! When the contractions got bad, I held onto the wall and cried high-pitched cries that only made me more scared and in pain, and while she urged me to try lower sounds, I wasn't in a head space to listen, so she just rubbed my back and repeated some encouraging messages I had told her I thought would help (I'll make a post about how I prepared for my own labour and my "Birth Wishes" at some point).
The nurse checked me 3 hours after my doctor's appointment had revealed strong contractions and a dilation of 3cm, and my cervix had not opened any more since then - this meant (to the nurses) that I was not in active labour, and indeed I could go home (a 45 minute drive each way). This seemed crazy to me, as I was doubling over in pain and barely holding onto my sanity, and I had a strong feeling that I should not leave the hospital right then. I begged to stay, but the nurses, my doula and my mom all had read my birth plan and knew I wanted to labour at home as much as possible, and wanted to support that as best they could. My supports had just about convinced me to at least walk along the beach close by, when I began vomiting (a sign of active labour), and my doula sprang into action!
I could not use a birthing room with a tub, as I had not been admitted, so my doula asked if there were any other options - the "Well Mothers" bathtub/shower, maybe? Finally, the nurses agreed that would be okay, at least until they checked me in another hour or so for progress.
It was then that I learned the importance of low moaning. Up until this point, my doula had been carrying me through each contraction, rubbing my back and speaking gently to me, but I still continued my high pitched cries, that did nothing for my pain. Before getting into the tub, I decided to use the bathroom quickly, and while in there I had my first (and only) contraction alone. In that moment, I realized that I had no choice but to work through the pain myself, because even if I could call out to my doula, the door was locked and she couldn't make it to me in time. Something inspired me to use a low moan, and I found that it actually helped - it gave me something to focus on, and I seemed less tense.
In the bath, I continued this low moaning, and my doula massaged my lower back with soap, sometimes running warm water over my belly to warm me up. I retreated into my own little world, not really able or willing to talk much, and she respected that headspace very well, asking me very minimal questions and just silently supporting me. I used the low moaning to "drown out" the pain with the sound and vibration of my voice, which I realize now was very loud, a nurse even came to the door a few times to check on everything. Soon, the nurse who'd encouraged me to go home for a while was at the door, offering to check me again when I was ready.My doula helped dress me, along with my mom, and through out this all she never made me feel self conscious about being naked in front of a relative stranger.
Once back in the assessment room, after my water had broken and I had been checked, I was told (in my hazy state) that "the time was near" - my doula had the presence of mind to clarify that I was indeed 10cm (just over an hour since I had been checked at 3cm), and I was wheeled into the delivery room.
While my doula had been by my side, and indeed the one giving me hands-on comfort for most of my labour, once everyone was buzzing around, preparing for the birth, my mom found her way to one side, being instructed on how to hold my leg supportively, and a nurse braced my other foot on her hip. My doula stayed by my side, around everyone else, making sure I had what I needed, but when it became clear I had all the hands-on support I needed, she respectfully stepped back and began filming, which she knew I had wanted. I think this will be an important skill I will need to learn as a doula, knowing when to step back and let the family be the support, as long as the labouring mother is comfortable. To be so involved, but willing to step back in that "critical" moment as all the effort becomes worth it is commendable, and I'm so grateful she did.
Once making sure I was in good hands and on track for breastfeeding, my doula left, after having been at my side for more than 6 hours. She offered to come check on me once more in the hospital, but I assured her I would be fine and we'd arrange a time to visit again once we were home.
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